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| K: Hi, I’m here with Chris Lowell. C: Hi, I’m Chris Lowell. I’m here with Kristen Bell. K: Hi, I’m Kristen Bell. C: So, this first question is for Kristen Bell. What is your favorite scene this season, and did you know about the rapist? K: Yes, Chris, I did know about the rapist, uh… ‘cause I’m smart and I figured it out… and somebody told me. My favorite scene this season was when you danced your pants off at the party, because I almost peed in my pants. C: Which brings me to my next question: a lot of people don’t want Piz and Veronica together. Should we find them and hurt their parents until they subside? K: Yes. C: Good. And now my last question. This morning, when you came into hair & make-up and said to me, quote, “Looking into your eyes is like looking into the soul of the human spirit,” what exactly did you mean? K: I meant that you’re so much like a gazelle; it’s kind of like that scene from The Queen, when Helen Mirren looks at the gazelle and really sees Princess Diana… I see you like I see a deer. C: I couldn’t agree with you more, Kristen. You may ask a question now. K: Well, Chris, I have a few. C: Okay. K: What is the greatest thing about working here? C: The food. K: Part Two: what is the greatest thing about working with me? C: The food. K: Question Two: How is the food? C: My turn. What word would best describe the first time we met? K: There are no words. C: I’m sorry, that’s wrong. The answer is organ-asmic, which is a combination of ‘organic’ and ‘orgasmic.’ K: And organ! Da da la da, da da la da, da da la da. C: I have a second--oh, you go first. K: How is my breath? C: It tastes like pit viper venom: paralyzing. K: That must be the pit viper I had for lunch! C: The food. If Veronica Mars had a Superbowl party this Sunday, and gave the wrong address to her party members, what should she do to make up for it when they showed up at the wrong half, and missed kick-off? K: She should throw them a personal party at the right address in the future. With pizza. And O’Douls. [?] beer. C: I’ll give you my number later. K: How did you learn everyone’s name? C: Oh! On set, I took polaroids of the crew-- K: Creepy! C: --and wrote their names down so I wouldn’t forget. K: Creepy. C: I keep the polaroids. In my bathroom. Kristen, many people are discussing America’s stance on the war in Iraq. How do you feel about my chest muscles? K: Really, really good. C: I agree with you, Kristen. K: Chris Lowell, are you as awkward as Piz? C: …I need to go to the bathroom! K: Second question: how many snaps have you eaten off your shirt today? C: More than I can count, or swallow. I have a two-part question. Part A: have you taken care of that rash? Part B: where’s my jar of cream cheese? K: Part A and Part B are actually one and the same, if you know what I mean.... C: It tastes good. K: When do you think you’ll hit puberty? C: Yesterday. K: What does “crew” smell like? C: Hard work… and death. K: Who stole one-eyed Willie out of the fish tank at Mars Investigations? Or, was he eaten by the fat fish? C: It’s a trick question. “One-eyed Willie” is Ryan Hansen’s nickname. K: Then why was Ryan Hansen’s nickname floating around the Mars Investigations fish tank with one eye for so long? C: Episode 17, my friend. Wink! K: One-eyed Willie cannot wink; he can only blink. How long does it take you to do your hair? C: As long as it takes me to smile. I’m out of questions! K: Who’s in better shape: you or me? C: Well, that depends on how you describe “shape.” I’m in the shape of, perhaps, a bodybuilder, whereas you are in the shape of, perhaps, a pear. That being said, I think you’re in better shape, Kristen Bell. K: Thank you very much. This is my last question. C: (reading Kristen’s prompt card) ‘Do you want to see where this camel bit me?’ At this point in the interview, Kristen normally slaps me in the nuts. Unfortunately, it’s not going to happen today. Well, that’s about all the time we have today, the jets are coming, which means we need to leave. I am Chris Lowell. K: And I’m Kristen Bell. C: Thank you. K: And good night |